TheShortBlonde

here it is:

I’ve changed ALOT, I observed, I listened and learned quite a bit. School for me, right now, isn’t working out. I hate going. I’d rather work and be on my own. This weekend, I fucking LOVED because I fend for myself and it was the greatest freedom ever. I love to go on adventures. Anywhere. I love taking pictures. When I took photography, I didn’t want to do landscape, turns out I’m pretty good at it. I hate how my body is. I’m constantly in fear of being pregnant, not because I’m a whore, but because idk why I’ve always been terrified of it. I hate the way I look. I always feel like I’m never good enough. There’s always someone better than me. I have only a few close friends I see all the time. I can honestly say I wouldn’t know what I was doing in life if it wasn’t for my best friend/cousin.  I still wanna be a comedian. I love making me smile, laugh and just happy al together. I hate to see people upset or sad. I’ve found myself putting other people before myself just to make them happy. But that’s who I am.  I love monkeys. I live by my grandmother’s word. I’m nothing like any of these tools or whores these days, I’m me. A classy lady. Which you don’t seem to find much anymore. I do believe that, that is why so many boys fall for me because I’m different and genuine. Original. I don’t have the money to follow everyone’s trends. I’m not stuck up, snotty, spoiled or selfish. I’ve always been happy with what I have. Of course I’ve always wanted more but I never threw a fit if I didn’t get it. I’m terrified of what the future brings. Weather, politics and even the world ending. It gives me a stomach ache. I’m pretty sure I’ve inherited my mom’s side anxiety and my dad’s side bones. I hate loud noises but loud music doesn’t bother me. I have a problem with organizing. Give me a mess and I can organize it for you. Down to every last detail. Color, size, you name it. I wanna own a big house someday. I guess not like manchine type but rather big anyway. I still wish I had all my toys when I was younger because back then I really had nothing to worry about. Then again I was a worry wart as a kid but still that was the least of what I have to face now. Death at every turn. Theres so many people with like traumatic things that have happened to them and Ialways wished I could have been there and maybe even experience it myself because then I could be a survivor of something serious, I could have a better story to tell. I think what changed me, and the rest of my family was the death of my grandfather. I cry more. I was never one to cry much unless it was a broken heart. Then again, I wore my heart on my sleeve. I fell for everyboy who gave me the slightest bit of attention. I would contantly want to call/talk to him because well, who doesn’t wanna get to know someone new? They quickly realized that I was a weirdo and said “see ya!” I have learned to put a wall up tho, kinda. I was always jealous of my cousin Shannen tho because she was always the skinny pretty brunette and I had some meat on me and I never really wanted to wear the make up and stuff she wore. The cutest and hottest guys would talk to her and I would just be the annoying little sister that always followed her around. I’ve always been jelous of girls like her. I believe I always will be. Not so much anymore because I know how the “game” is played but every now and then the green monsta will pop his head out. I’ve always wanted to be skinny and pretty. When I was younger and I didn’t have the stupid bowl cut my mom always did for me, I was a cute kid, then in middleish school I don’t know what the hell happened but I was a damn train wreck. No wonder why no one wanted to date me, jeeze. Late jr high is when I started picking up some looks again and became sort of a heartbreaker. I was never one to date anyone who looked like channing tatum with a ripped body, although I would be totally okay with it, it’s just they’re outta my league. I was always one to get the know the person themselves and love them for them instead of their looks and bodys. Sure, I’ve gotten aot of shit for it, but you fucking morons keep picking these situation copies and always wonder why they play you or end up with your heart broken. Hey, heres a tip, that “ugly” looking kid you would NEVER date in a million years, get to know him, hangout and get back to me. Chances are the god guys, may not always look like channing tatum or Ryan gosling, but they sure as hell have got the heart. I’ve always been a tom boy. If it wasn’t for my cousin shannen then I would prly be ugly as shit. I still am a tomboy at heart. I don’t mind getting dirty, muddy. It doesn’t matter it doesn’t phase me. I do however; have a bad fear of snakes. I love giving advice. I like to think I give pretty good advice.  In the romantic spectrum of things, I’ve always been into older guys. Ever since I laid eyes on Leonardo DiCaprio. It was over. I know that sounds corny but it’s true. Had a crush on the older boys in the neighborhood and everything. I watch a lot of movies and I LOVE the romance in movies. Where the guy drives his girl around maybe pays for dinner takes her places. I don’t want the guy to pay for EVERYTHING but a few nice things here and there are always cute. Cuddling, i’m a HUGE fan. Anyday, movie day, cuddling involved.  I’m not saying yaknow that’s what I HAVE to have but obvi I make exceptions for some people. I just genuinely love guys who’ve got more meat on them. I’ve found they’re ALOT sweeter than some ripped asshole. Not that I would ever have a chance with a guy who has a body like the situation but I still enjoy the view. Sexual wise, I love the spontaneous stuff. I don’t wanna predict it or plan it, it just has to happen. Butterflies and sparks. Here I go again with the corniness but I’m just saying. I’ve fucked up a lot in life and I know that, but I always manage to put myself back on the right track. I’ve made a lot of people happy and some not so happy but its apart of life, you win some and you lose some, and the cycle continues. I know that’s a lot and there’s much more to come but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

(Source: catiexjean)

(Source: catiexjean)

I just want. Someone successful. Someone whos got their shit together. ugh idk. I hate paying all the time. I want someone to treat me like i’m their princess. Thats all I want.